How to Parent a High-Achieving Kid

Parenting high-achieving kids is a fine balance between wanting your child to always want more out of life and making sure they know that they are worthy even if they don’t achieve success. Often parents have high expectations of their kids because they only want the best for them. While this is a noble desire, it’s important to instill internal worthiness independent of what they achieve in life.

The thing about being a high achiever is that even though it looks as if so much is being achieved on the outside – the internal feelings often do not match.

High achievers chronically deal with feelings of not being good enough. This is often what has them always striving to do more, be better, and go faster. While it serves because it creates some incredible life results, it can also have some negative impacts in the form of anxiety, depression, overwhelm, and burnout. 

Signs of High-Achieving Kids

Many times the contributing factors that lead to the trajectory of being a high-achieving adult begin with childhood. You may be trying to instill the value of reaching for more or you may realize that your child is a high achiever all on their own. 

Many of these characteristics in young people include critical thinking, high social skills, and academic performance. However, it’s also important to keep an eye on your child’s development and know what to do if you notice undesired characteristics. 

Here are some signs to watch for when raising high-achieving children:

1. Always striving to do more and be better at what they do.
2. Overreacting when things do not go their way.
3. Overly sensitive to feedback, comments, and evaluations of their performance.
4. Good is never good enough.
5. Desire to be overly involved in life.

Spending time with your children is a great way to keep an eye out for any intellectual challenges or emotional struggles they may be facing. There’s a good chance that even casual conversation with them can give you clues to these signs. Your child’s teacher is an excellent resource for identifying this and helping with your child’s unique needs. 

High-Achieving Kids vs. Gifted Kids

Is parenting a high-achieving kid the same as having a gifted child? 

Yes and no. There are some similarities; however, these are not the same. 

Gifted students have a natural intellect that requires little to no effort to channel. Families of gifted children may prefer to have their children tested to ensure they’re getting the right level of education and care. 

High-achieving children have an intrinsic motivation that drives them to attain academic achievements. These children have a high potential to succeed because they are very driven intrinsically, rather than extrinsically. 

You may notice these differences from a young age up until they reach high school. Whether they attend public schools or are enrolled in a private school, the educational system will watch for these signs and special services may be offered.

There are common characteristics between high-achieving kids and gifted kids. One of the most important things for family members to do is to watch for these markers from an early age in the home. 

What does your high-achieving child need most from you?

The emotional development of high-achieving kids is just as important as other children. Their emotional needs include love and acceptance. 

They need an opportunity to see the value of life satisfaction along with having personal goals. 

This drive inside of them can take them to some incredible places in life. However, it can also make them prone to anxiety and feeling unworthy to themselves or anyone else. 

Committing to asking yourself how you can best support them in achieving their dreams, while also feeling fulfilled in the small moments life brings is the best way to support your child.   

If you notice that your child is exceptionally high-achieving, be sure to learn as much as possible about their special needs so you can use your knowledge to help encourage your child to also seek fulfillment in life outside of academics. 

Check out this recent blog post on 3 ways for Highly Successful People to Discover Fulfillment to dive into this topic.

Conclusion

As you commit to the expansion of your beliefs and shifting your view of the world, you get to show your kids unique life skills and new ways to process the strong emotions of high achievement. 

Through self-awareness, it’s possible to shift your child’s thoughts from the black-and-white world of right and wrong and good and bad and to begin to embrace the world in between. This allows for a continued drive for excellence, while also enjoying all of the small moments in between! 

For more information on raising confident kids check out this podcast episode from the Aligned Mama.

If you’re ready to dive into this topic and help your high-achieving kids book an Alignment Strategy Session with Liz.